Updates

I was going to write, but I just don't feel like it tonight. I am so tired these days. I don't even workout anymore. I haven't been to the YMCA in almost 2 months! I feel muffled, slushy, slow-motion: like every movement I make is inside a jello mold. I can't remember anything either. I started to think I was getting early onset Alzheimer's it is so bad. I'm not sure when it all started, all I care about is how fast it will leave. It popped in here like an uninvited stranger. I went to the doctor because I felt less tired than this before the discovery that I had to have that radical hysterectomy due to that evil stuff. He decided that we had to rule out depression and anxiety for now considering all of the stress we are under. Yet, I feel that if this is depression/anxiety were going to begin would have hit as soon as we started this process: last October. I suffer from Chronic Depression anyway and have dealt with it since I was 12 or 13. I know what helps and what doesn't. It is those times in your life when you are unable to do the things you need to help yourself get out of your depression, you fall the deepest. Simple things: sleep regularly, eat regularly, exercise, focus more on those around you than yourself, provide order and regularity to your life, strategically place people in your life who don't give up on you even when you have had a bad three months, six months, or even a year....
Well, with that being said, the doctor would like to see me back in a month to see if I have been able to rule out the possibility that it could be anxiety and depression. I simply do not know if it is for once so am going to do my best to force myself into the very things I want to avoid right now. I think it is a vital experiment- if it isn't simply my depression and anxiety- then we need to do that scan I never had done. The one I was never told I needed until much later. Lets not wait any longer and see.
So, I will simply start with baby steps of sleeping more, eating better, doing more yoga and relaxation/meditation, I will start with a slow one mile walk, keep focusing all of my energy on the boys and Ted and all of my other family and friends who don't give up on me just because I may not be chipper all of the time.
Well, I didn't think I wanted to write tonight but the keys of this keyboard became a shoulder that I may lean on and I decided that I wanted to share this part of my life with my readers as well as the happy and silly times.
Love and Blessings, and thanks for reading my blog, it means so much to me that people care what I have to say. I honestly thank you.