Lately I have been cleaning for a woman once a week. She pays me what she can. Sometimes I think she pays me more than I deserve. She is an old friend of mine. Today as I was cleaning her house and while cleaning the basement carpet it occurred to me that I was enjoying myself. I have had such dreams and aspirations in my life and remember being younger with such a passion for grand adventures. I wanted to be a psychologist for individuals with physical disabilities and combine it with adaptive skiing, much like people use horses for individuals with physical disabilities. Then I went to college and wanted to be a doctor so I became a pre-med major. I was so bored in chemistry, stupid biology- (of which no human biology was discussed!), calculus, zoology, microbiology and I sat studying myself into a deep depression. I came to a quick realization that this overwork would never end and I would never get to be the mother, wife, runner, friend or family member that I ever had dreamed of being. I quit college for awhile and just worked as an EMT at the hospital. I was so depressed and confused about my future. When I did go back to school, I tried various classes hoping to find a new love, although medicine and human biology, anatomy and physiology were amazingly intriguing to me...I had a hard time moving on to anything that I found more interesting than medicine or the human body! I worked as an EMT for WIU's Emergency Medical Service throughout my college career and never felt more confident than when running an emergency call. Put me in a group of people at a social gathering and I may have a panic attack but tell me I have to save this person's life and I was as smooth as butter. I tried RPTA to see if I could somehow work with adaptive recreation, I tried writing to see if I could actually hear anyone other than my own mother tell me I had a talent for writing, but I eventually settled on the health sciences, (which were called community health education back then). I was under the assumption that health education meant that I would be able to teach health. Since I was helping train the other Emergency Medical Members of WIU EMS and I was a CPR instructor as well as employed as an EMT/ Ambulance driver and ER Tech at the hospital I thought I might be able to teach what I knew. That's a big NO! I have found that you can do about five things with my degree:
#1) Sell your soul to the devil and work as a pharmaceutical rep
#2) Sign up for the Peace Corps (yeah, not related, but they take anyone)
#3) work for the health department
#4) Go back to school and admit that your degree is pointless without a masters and get one.
#5) Claim you are a health expert and write for magazines or online sites....shady- like I said- do a whole lot of things I couldn't and wouldn't do.
I worked so hard to finally get my degree in 2006 after starting college in 1998 and taking that break due to depression and misdirection...I still feel so much regret. Now everywhere I look in the paper I see jobs I know I would be great for but you must have a masters to have them. I feel as if my bachelors is now equal to a high school diploma. I worked so hard. I finished school after getting married, losing a baby, practically living in the hospital for both of my first two pregnancies, having Grant, being a stay-at-home nursing mother to Grant and having a husband who worked impossible shifts as a police officer the whole time. I was going to night classes. It was so hard. Now I have society telling me that all of that was not good enough. I wish instead of extra degrees, one would have to take a proficiency exam for the job they were pursuing. I am confident that my obsession with learning medical information everyday, reading my subscription to The New England Journal of Medicine, and simply my passion for health, medicine and nutrition would help me get an amazing score at any job I would try pursuing.
Yet, as I stood in the basement cleaning today my mind began talking back to me. "You REALLY ARE enjoying this? You are going to settle for being a cleaning lady?" My other rational and non-judgemental side replied, "yep, I'm going to be content with this job." I can see I am making a difference in the life of someone who needs me right now, and that is all I really want anyway. I wanted to feel needed."
So for now I am going to take pride in taking care of my children, my husband, the home we are caretakers for, the home of my dear friend, and all the other things I hope I can do. If I am not needed, then who am I anyway? I have a role and it serves a purpose. It isn't all that I will do for the rest of my life, but for right now, I am needed right where I am. And I will do my best.
#1) Sell your soul to the devil and work as a pharmaceutical rep
#2) Sign up for the Peace Corps (yeah, not related, but they take anyone)
#3) work for the health department
#4) Go back to school and admit that your degree is pointless without a masters and get one.
#5) Claim you are a health expert and write for magazines or online sites....shady- like I said- do a whole lot of things I couldn't and wouldn't do.
I worked so hard to finally get my degree in 2006 after starting college in 1998 and taking that break due to depression and misdirection...I still feel so much regret. Now everywhere I look in the paper I see jobs I know I would be great for but you must have a masters to have them. I feel as if my bachelors is now equal to a high school diploma. I worked so hard. I finished school after getting married, losing a baby, practically living in the hospital for both of my first two pregnancies, having Grant, being a stay-at-home nursing mother to Grant and having a husband who worked impossible shifts as a police officer the whole time. I was going to night classes. It was so hard. Now I have society telling me that all of that was not good enough. I wish instead of extra degrees, one would have to take a proficiency exam for the job they were pursuing. I am confident that my obsession with learning medical information everyday, reading my subscription to The New England Journal of Medicine, and simply my passion for health, medicine and nutrition would help me get an amazing score at any job I would try pursuing.
Yet, as I stood in the basement cleaning today my mind began talking back to me. "You REALLY ARE enjoying this? You are going to settle for being a cleaning lady?" My other rational and non-judgemental side replied, "yep, I'm going to be content with this job." I can see I am making a difference in the life of someone who needs me right now, and that is all I really want anyway. I wanted to feel needed."
So for now I am going to take pride in taking care of my children, my husband, the home we are caretakers for, the home of my dear friend, and all the other things I hope I can do. If I am not needed, then who am I anyway? I have a role and it serves a purpose. It isn't all that I will do for the rest of my life, but for right now, I am needed right where I am. And I will do my best.
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