Think Good thoughts

Think good thoughts...think good thoughts...think good thoughts...be thankful...be thankful...be thankful.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOM! That was me exploding. Ok now I'm fine.
Listen as I try and turn some of my frustrations into positive comments:
1) I'm sure the doctor filling in for my doctor while she is on maternity leave was too busy to refill my medicine all day. Doctors are over-worked anyway. He must have overlooked my name since he didn't want me to miss any days of this medicine and had told me this just the other day.
2) I hope that I can help our friend tomorrow while I clean her entire house. After all I did tell her to call me if she needed anything...I really did mean it...I just worry I won't do a good job to make her happy.
3) Even though the Toyota's paint job is chipping off all over for some apparent reason and rusting rapidly, I'm sure it still has great safety ratings and we still get great gas mileage.
4) After paying bills recently for all of the caretaking repairs we have been partaking in and other unexpected costs for sudden "crap!" expenses, we are now 3,000 short for our savings for the house. I hope there are rewards in the afterlife for taking a hit on your dream because you are too scared to ask for your money. We hate borrowing money from anyone. We don't want them to think we aren't grateful. We don't ask for repayment when people borrow money and we spend money to make others comfortable because they have done it for us. We need to stop being so passive when it comes to money. Although on second thought na, it wouldn't feel right. We just aren't meant to be that way. It is who we are, suffering or not.
5) I need to get a job, and I don't know if I can get hired. I'm not sure I can deal with the rejection in yet another area of my life. Fear of not getting something I've tried for has never stopped me before, why now? I won't know if I don't try and everyone goes through this, yet, probably at a much younger age and immediately out of college when one is more likely to be hired right?
6) I'm sure I've been feeling so depressed lately because of a simple reason that will be over soon. The permanent lump in my throat will go away soon. I'll run it out. I'll bike it out. I'll yoga or lift it out...
7) When playing peanuts with Grandma the other day, ( a game I have played with her thousands of times in my life since childhood), I had to explain the entire game to her again...rules and all. She had forgotten how to play it. I'm sure it is just like how I forget how to play Ted's family's card games every time I play them...I don't play them enough to commit them to memory....ok that doesn't work she has been playing this game for over 50 years.
Or maybe she is just overwhelmed with the basement flooding...or maybe she just needed a refresher and when I go back next time she will be all ready to go. I miss her. I look into her eyes and sometimes I don't see her there anymore. I want my other mother back. She has one foot out the door already. I hate that she talks like she is ready to go, and that she may not be around next year at this time. Sometimes she even says, "Goodbye"....I just can't do this positive spin right now.
I'm having a bad day.
I'm having a bad week.
I'm sad.
I'll be fine, I just needed to get it out.
Do you ever just need to cry or scream or run or crawl up onto your Grandpa's lap and pretend all the worlds problems have disappeared? Seriously Grandpa, I need your lap.