Heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee's Joooeeeyyyyy!

I'm awkward, yet, beautiful in that awkwardness. I've always known it. Although I was afraid that if I said it, I would somehow sound foolish. I'm foolish, yet, beautiful in that foolishness. I've always known it. Although, I was afraid that if I said it, I would somehow sound tacky. I'm tacky in a sticky silly cartoon-like way. I cling on with my heart and soul until only my teeth are left still biting on. My body has long since gone and my soul has been left somewhere, probably in a ditch, down by the river.... I'm stubborn in a glorious way. I've always known it. I admit that. I feel emotion like you taste your first bite of that favorite piece of your first meal after a long fast. I insanely think I can read all of your emotions too. I've always known that I can't, although, it doesn't stop me from trying. I miss the keys of this computer like I miss running.
Today I decided it was time to begin writing again. I had stopped writing (in my blog) because I didn't like how it made me feel. I didn't like who it made me. It felt like I wasn't typing for the right reasons anymore. So, I told myself that I was going to take my time to figure out what I wanted to do with the blog and what direction I wanted it to take. I'm still not completely sure where I want to take this blog, but while writing an e-mail to Amber I realized all the things that make my days brighter. I if I wrote down my blessings, I could begin to figure out the path I wanted to follow.
Jo's List of Blessings (material and non-material)
1) Guided Imagery Meditation- CD's and you can find them online
I think it's interesting that I always skip over most of the women voices and go to the one's narrated by men. It is an added bonus if they have accents. I like Australian accents. Some of the women I first heard sounded like fingernails scratching down a chalkboard.
I use them for Migraines/Headaches, Anxiety/Panic, PTSD or Trauma: I can't tell you how amazing they are. Just listening to them stopped a migraine this afternoon! It makes me angry at my OBGYN's during the boys pregnancies. I wish I had known about this. I guess I am as much to blame as they are though because I could have researched it too.
2) Ipods and Ipod docking stations- Music makes my heart glow. I love to dance, I wish I could sing, and even though I can't really do either, it doesn't stop me. The boys started watching less TV when I got the docking station and now they sing songs all of the time even when there is no music playing.
3) Method laundry detergent- Tiny bottle, wonderful scent, no rashes on the kids for once, same amount of loads if not more than the large bottles of regular detergent, no mess squirt bottle, great price, and I will never buy another kind.
4) Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer- No tanning beds or laying out for me, SPF 1,000 please. I have major skin damage from the first 18 years of my life. This stuff smells good, leaves no streaks, no orange, great moisturizer, great color. I love it. BUT- I still wear sunscreen, sunglasses and a hat outside.
5) Degree Ultraclear Pure Clean scent for women- I stink and this is perfect for me and my sweaty working out/ chasing boys/ always intense pitty-pit-pits. It doesn't leave marks either.
6) Kashi Trail Mix Bars- Taste great, no additives or preservatives, love the company, great energy booster and healthy
7) Storey's Basic Country Skills Book-Everything I have ever needed to know to be the wo"man" of the house. This book is so amazing that I almost didn't want to tell anyone about it so I could be the only one who knew all about it!
8) Netflix- Angel choir singing.... Perfect for people who's children don't understand that you can't talk at your normal voice level in a movie theater...JAKE! Or who like to pretend the seat is a monster's mouth chewing them up...JAKE! Or who spill their drink all over the floor....JAKE! Or who say they want to go home five minutes after the movie starts....JAKE! Or for people who wish they could go see a movie but don't have the time to go during showing times.
9) YMCA membership- If I could live in the YMCA I would. When my kids are all grown I'm totally going to move in there secretly. Probably locker 180 if you need me.
10) Ted- Nobody else would have put up with me for this long. Nobody else would have put up with him this long...just kidding honey. You and I both know that our relationship works so well because we are too lazy to do anything else.
11) Amber- I'm not sure I have the words to explain what having her for my best friend has done for me. Maybe I will someday. Maybe I will be able to write about it.
12) House plants- I don't kill everything I touch!
13) Giant Gardens- I can see actual hard work pay off.
14) things to jump on- I'm not sure where this came from but I obviously mean it or I wouldn't have written it. I guess I just wish I had a trampoline Ted! When I move into the YMCA I will buy one and then I will jump on it to my hearts desire!
15) Jada- what an awesome dog
16) Traditional Medicinals Organic Lemon Yerba Mate Tea-caffeine without caffeine
16) Bigelow Decaf Green tea with lemon-Drank three cups a day all winter and I didn't get a cold. I also love the taste. In general it is just plain good for you too!
17) Vitamin supplements D, Magnesium, B Complex, and Omegas- My energy supply and mood enhancers
18) Gala apples- energy, health, tasty. Wash them really good if you don't buy organic though b/c they are part of the dirty dozen. I don't buy the organic even though I do with other fruits and veggies b/c they taste less crispy :-(
19) Weights and weight trainers and weight training classes, pilates and yoga- life changing...i promise, I would be willing to make large bets to anyone who wanted to make wagers.
20) Grandma's and Grandpa's- the one's who save you when you've run out of people to talk to because you have ticked everyone else off.
21) Grant and Jake- They say parents don't pick favortites but I sware that one day I will think one of my kids is the greatest thing on earth and the other one will surely end up leading me to believe that they only ate paint chips as a child....then the next day they switch roles and I can't figure out if they plan it or if I am just that moody. I think it is a competetive thing and one is always trying to be the center of my attetnion even if it is for the wrong thing.
Grant has turned into the most pleasant young man. I remember him being Jake's age and thinking that I was a failure. Actually I kept that thought until about January. Then he went from 2-10 years old in a matter of months. He is the best. He was away with his Grandma up North in Mendota visiting his cousins for three days and I missed someone talking nice to me so badly I almost cried. I realized that Grant is often very supportive and encouraging to me even when I am not expecting it. He is certainly worth ever tear of exhaustion I cried. Now if I can say that about "General-Punchy-Jake" then I will feel better. I just need to see he can be compassionate and loving so I can rest easier. He is so violent. Well, in my opinion. But, this comes from a Mother who doesn't let her kids play with toy guns, toy swords, or toy weapons of any kind. The boys can actually finish my sentence when I say:
Hey, Guns are not........
"TOYS!" they yell
I love it when I say:
Hurry up I'm leaving because being late is.......
"DISRESPECTFUL!" they yell.


Peace out yo.