Talent

You all have to check out my best friends mother's website. She is an amazing photographer. If you look under the children's section you will find a photo called "brown eyes"; that is Jake last summer in Aledo at the frog jumping contest. Here is the website:
http://www.sjlshots.com/

Wow who'd a thunk that?

Today was fine! It was better than fine. I was reminded of some very important things today: faith, grace, perseverance, appreciation and gratitude. I'm not sure how to put something so pure into words. I sat a table across from an old friend and listened as she spoke of the fears of her husband's cancer and the unknowns of how far it had spread in his body. The time they must wait until they know how successful the radiation treatments were seems like an eternity. She is unable to get around without the aid of canes, walkers, scooters, etc. She gets around her house holding onto the fixtures and she is in constant pain due her own health problems. I watched as the tears rolled down her face with the uncertainty of her future and the love and helplessness she feels for her soul mate. This friend is someone who helped me through a very tough time in my life. She counseled me through an eating disorder and helped me see the humor in my life when I saw only sadness. Here I sat across the table from her eager to return the favor in anyway I could. She wanted to feel calm in her own home. You know the calmness you feel when everything is in its right place in your home? It can actually make you feel better when you feel ill. It can make your soul at ease when all about your world seems to be falling in. So, I talked with her about what I could do around the house and she was the best person I have ever cleaned for. She told me exactly what she wanted and I was able to do it. I will get to go back next week to do some more because I wasn't able to get as much done as I would have liked. Their home is just beautiful. They are just beautiful people. She won't let me do it without being paid. I don't know how not to take the money when she says she will be offended if I don't take it. I feel ill getting paid to do what I need to do. I have to figure this out. She even made me the most amazing coffee in the morning, gourmet lunch, and fresh brewed iced tea. God put her into my world right now for a reason, I just know it.

Just for the record:

The doctor did call my medicine in yesterday, the pharmacy lost the order, so I got it today! I feel so much better.

The boys got into the library hour crafts!

It rained, but I saw the sun!

The house wasn't clean when I got home, but I cleaned for someone else so in another way that was just as satisfying.

The boys didn't jump off of anything and get hurt that I know off, but lord did they have hyper-juice flowing through their veins. The YMCA nursery staff was not sad to see them leave tonight! They had to clear off the middle of the floor in the nursery and create an area to facilitate energy release. They told me they had them doing cart wheels, somersaults, sit-ups, jumping-jacks, etc. and told me that they hoped they had settled them down enough that they were a bit more calmed down for me. I asked the boys if they had pure sodie-coke running through their veins and Grant said, "Does Sprite count?"

So, I did get to run my five miles! I ran it in 50 minutes! I can't believe that I could barely run two miles the other day without stopping and tonight I ran five in 50 minutes. Granted it isn't any great time. That is like 10 minute miles.... But hey better than 60 minutes right!?

So, today was better. Darren was right...(see this mornings comment). I love you Darren! I'm looking forward to the 4th of July weekend!

Thoughts into the universe

I'm sending thoughts into the universe to see if anything happens:
The doctor will refill my medicine today
There will be room for the boys at the library summer reading program crafts
The house I am cleaning today will not take very long
When I come home our house will be clean
It won't rain today
I will get my five miler in today before class because I am behind for the coast to coast
I will get a job offer from the YMCA because I am so freakin' cool
The Regional School Board will call and say they moved up their meeting and they approved the land exchange so "Go ahead and get your build on!"
The boys won't jump of of anything and get hurt today
It will be a better day
There I did my part.

Think Good thoughts

Think good thoughts...think good thoughts...think good thoughts...be thankful...be thankful...be thankful.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOM! That was me exploding. Ok now I'm fine.
Listen as I try and turn some of my frustrations into positive comments:
1) I'm sure the doctor filling in for my doctor while she is on maternity leave was too busy to refill my medicine all day. Doctors are over-worked anyway. He must have overlooked my name since he didn't want me to miss any days of this medicine and had told me this just the other day.
2) I hope that I can help our friend tomorrow while I clean her entire house. After all I did tell her to call me if she needed anything...I really did mean it...I just worry I won't do a good job to make her happy.
3) Even though the Toyota's paint job is chipping off all over for some apparent reason and rusting rapidly, I'm sure it still has great safety ratings and we still get great gas mileage.
4) After paying bills recently for all of the caretaking repairs we have been partaking in and other unexpected costs for sudden "crap!" expenses, we are now 3,000 short for our savings for the house. I hope there are rewards in the afterlife for taking a hit on your dream because you are too scared to ask for your money. We hate borrowing money from anyone. We don't want them to think we aren't grateful. We don't ask for repayment when people borrow money and we spend money to make others comfortable because they have done it for us. We need to stop being so passive when it comes to money. Although on second thought na, it wouldn't feel right. We just aren't meant to be that way. It is who we are, suffering or not.
5) I need to get a job, and I don't know if I can get hired. I'm not sure I can deal with the rejection in yet another area of my life. Fear of not getting something I've tried for has never stopped me before, why now? I won't know if I don't try and everyone goes through this, yet, probably at a much younger age and immediately out of college when one is more likely to be hired right?
6) I'm sure I've been feeling so depressed lately because of a simple reason that will be over soon. The permanent lump in my throat will go away soon. I'll run it out. I'll bike it out. I'll yoga or lift it out...
7) When playing peanuts with Grandma the other day, ( a game I have played with her thousands of times in my life since childhood), I had to explain the entire game to her again...rules and all. She had forgotten how to play it. I'm sure it is just like how I forget how to play Ted's family's card games every time I play them...I don't play them enough to commit them to memory....ok that doesn't work she has been playing this game for over 50 years.
Or maybe she is just overwhelmed with the basement flooding...or maybe she just needed a refresher and when I go back next time she will be all ready to go. I miss her. I look into her eyes and sometimes I don't see her there anymore. I want my other mother back. She has one foot out the door already. I hate that she talks like she is ready to go, and that she may not be around next year at this time. Sometimes she even says, "Goodbye"....I just can't do this positive spin right now.
I'm having a bad day.
I'm having a bad week.
I'm sad.
I'll be fine, I just needed to get it out.
Do you ever just need to cry or scream or run or crawl up onto your Grandpa's lap and pretend all the worlds problems have disappeared? Seriously Grandpa, I need your lap.

New Beginnings

This was a week of new beginnings. Grant and I had our first joint yoga class. I had my first step aerobics class. We went to the Farmers Market for the first time this summer. We started going to the summer reading program at the library again this year, but this time Jake is also involved. I think summer is officially here.
I'm sitting here writing this and fireflies are flashing in the window on the deck. The back yard looks like it is raining fireflies! Grant would be so made that he couldn't be out there catching them if he was awake.
I'm not sure which of the 10,000 things going on right now I should be writing about.
I'll make a list and write tomorrow:
1) Grant's crazy yoga skills
2) Grant showing Jake yoga
3) Playing mini golf with the boys
4) The Snake Man at the library
5) Grant's shyness and submissiveness when playing with friends
6) Grant and Jake arguing and Grant yelling "ONE!" as if he was warning Jake the same way I do!
7) Jake called Grant Stupid and Grant told Jake "I don't think anyone who doesn't know their ABC's or their colors should be going around calling people stupid!"
8) Mom called dibs on Toy Story with the boys
9) Spending the 4th of July back at Grandma's and Mom's
10) Strawberry Strut in Carthage
11) Death by step class
12) need to buy a bike and a bike trailer for the boys
13) Coast-coast biathalon

Yoga, Step, Lift and Run...Now I Can't Even Move My Thumb

I'm trying desperately to get back into half-marathon shape. It's amazing how in two years I've aged so much that running two miles doesn't come back as quickly after an absence as it did before. I feel like someone hid lead weight in my underwear! Wait, I think that might be my butt-thigh... Well, I have some sort of major exercise event everyday of the week, except for Sunday, but I would like to make Sunday's my distance day's for biking. Monday's and Wednesday's are Yoga with Grant and Death Step class (it's actually called step variety i think, but it should be renamed). Tuesday's and Thursday's are five miles running and wt. training class. Friday's are three miles running with sprints and or hill work. YUCK! Ted and I just signed up for a coast-to-coast biathlon at the YMCA where we have 8 weeks to run 100 miles and bike 200 miles. I figure that will keep me moving daily. I told myself that I am not allowed to spend anymore than two hours exercising everyday (separated- one in the morning hours and one in the afternoon/evening hours). I must admit my schedule works well with great weather. The boys love running around the WIU track and playing on the football field. The boys (Ted, Grant and Jake) sat in the bleachers the other day and gave me my very own cheering section in an empty field. They even did the wave while I was running!
I feel like I am in a time crunch because I will be working outside of the home in the blink of an eye and all of this life...free or not free, happy and sad, lonely and fulfilled, laughter and anger, overwhelmed and understimulated, whatever it may be...will be over. Another chapter finished and onto the next. I find myself scrambling to do all of the things I thought I should have done as a stay-at-home Mom, wife, unemployed individual...etc. I want to feel like I sent Grant off to Kindergarten totally prepared, not just normally prepared but exceptionally prepared. As I watched him read his first book the other day, I felt a calm come over me. Grant will do great in school. He is a great kid. I just hope he learns to stick up for himself with words and to not feel as if he is being rude in doing so. I want to make sure Jake is potty trained, learns his colors, ABC's, shapes, songs, and all of the things that I was able to teach Grant. I am rushing to get into the best shape ever so that when I do get a job all I will need to do is maintain that level. I am trying to get the house projections and designs done. I have most everything organized and ready to be moved.
Things are crazy, but they aren't overwhelming; Ted saves me from overwhelming; Amber saves me from overwhelming; Mom saves me from overwhelming....Things are fun right now. The boys are adventurous and wild, but fun. I do feel blessed. I really love my boys...Ted, Grant and Jake....I'm not sure I would ever want to get out of bed in the morning if it wasn't for our daily circus! I love you Boys!

I thought of some more before I talk about anything else

1) Smart Water made by Glaceau -I thought it would taste bad because of the added electrolytes. Even though they shouldn't have a flavor.... Anyway, I tried it after the race the other day due to feeling like death and I am a believer. Tastes like water without a bad aftertaste! You say, Why not just regular water? I say yes, do drink regular water, but if you have just spent a long time outside, or doing strenuous activity and you feel nasty but can't quite feel right after drinking regular water and eating a banana then definitely try Smart Water. I felt nasty this afternoon again and I drank some and I began to feel better.
2) Outside Birthday Parties
3) Friends you can laugh at and with and know you won't be offended and nor will they.
4) People who make you feel comfortable and talk to you about your life and not just theirs.
5) Family- The boys enjoyed spending time with their aunt and uncle this weekend, I feel bad I don't make more of an attempt to take the boys to see their aunts and uncles more.
6) Running, running, running
7) People who want to get to know you
8) People who don't know you and are nicer than people who do know you
9) Church Family
10) Lessons I teach my children- a reminder of what I stand for and what is important to me and how I want my sons to develop. I learn a lot about myself simply through my reactions to watching my children grow up:
Example: Teaching self-esteem and the proper way to stand up for yourself, teaching how you act on the outside is a window to your soul, so watch what you say or do or how you act when you are around other people, they will remember you that way... I never said that I am successful at what I teach my children, I often try and teach them how to avoid the mistakes I have made so that they won't have to suffer through some of the things I have had to deal with as far as social interactions and communication. I often tell Grant when I make mistakes....I think it is important to admit when we make mistakes. I digress.
11) Endurance
12) Tank tops, running shorts, sports bras, ankle socks, pony tail holders, elastic headbands, sunglasses and underwear that don't give you wedgies