It's for them- that is why- and that is my answer.

I have addressed the issue before, but with a resent conversation with my mother I feel I need to make a clarification. Or maybe I just need to say it over and over until the people I love finally get it. Many people don't like to admit when things are rough in their lives. Many people don't like to admit what they feel are their "faults"- whether others agree with those faults or not. Many people want ONLY to talk about the good, the happy, the wonderful, and the hopeful. I am not that person. I love to talk about those things when they come gracefully into my life. Yet, I will not lie about what I am and what I deal with.

There are different opinions on this reasoning. For instance, some people believe that to leave yourself open for more judgment, (in a society where many only wish to tare you down), is only asking for assumptions on who you are as a whole person....without taking anything else into account. That is a school of thought that I understand. I understand it; yet, I am prepared to deal with the judgment that my sharing may bring. I am also prepared to deal with the e-mails I get that thank me for saying the things they wish they could have the courage to say. Or that they wish they could find the words to say.... Is it odd that I don't feel embarrassed to admit my faults? Or is this whole process just an admission that I am human?


Then the there is the thought that I will never gain respectable employment due to my honesty with my life issues within this blog. I must first say- I don't go around handing out this blog address, (while I am not ignorant enough to think they cannot find it.) The type of employment I am seeking to gain is not a political official- and to be quite frank (as if I know any other) - maybe the political candidates should be as honest about themselves as I am. I am speaking and addressing moral issues. I address issues about integrity, faith, trauma, depression, conviction, regret, self-doubt, family, hopes, dreams, and the odd but true....most importantly I use my life as an example. I use my failures as examples. My entire reason for this blog isn't to preach but to leave a record for my boys about my life. I want them to know how strong and passionate my feelings were for the things I stood for. I want them to know just how imperfect I was. I want them to know how okay that really is...and I want them to know that being imperfect will still make them lovable, admirable, and most of all, I will still be most amazingly honored to be their mother. My brother once told me that making the tough choices in life- the choices that were the least favorable and the one's that may cause the most painful repercussion (no matter the certainty in their correct path)....the people who make the right choices still knowing the adversity they will face- well, that is what separates the courageous and the heroes from the rest of the people....I'm trying to make heroes here.

It isn't about me and the opinions about my frank statements...If my life is nothing else, I am a mother, and I will stand for this path even though it isn't a popular one. I am going to wear down the trail so that the boys can see where I have walked and they won't get so many dang chiggers. So that is my answer....