Filled Up That Lonely Space

Filled Up That Lonely Space
By Joanna Reinhardt-Anderson
There is a place right by me no matter where I go
It's empty, quiet, lonely, and bare
I hated that space for so long
I thought that if we were together why should I feel so alone?
But that spot sat there holding its own, being so selfishly empty.
How could I be so lonely around so many people?
How could I be so lonely with my empty place filler?
I found myself so very far from what I have ever known
and realized that I wanted to go back home
A deep longing inside my heart made me feel like I needed to go
When I opened the doors of the church and stepped inside I couldn't speak
For so very long I had been a runaway and now I had found my home again.
I found my way to a pew and calmly sat and slid into
I never for a moment realized that my spot was not sitting with me.
It had no place beside me as God was sitting in its place here.
I didn't feel a loss or a sense that something was missing I soon remembered
upon that spot it had been sitting was the place in my life I had saved for my faith
A place I felt empty without; so displaced and even replaced
Yet, I was the one who filled my spot with my nothingness as I journeyed into my adulthood
I thought that I was meant to fill it with other things
I thought I was meant to fill it with conditional loves, and passing interests
Yet, now I know why I was so lonely no matter where I would go
My spot and me sitting there and I was wondering why that empty soul didn't care...
It was all because I had left it there.
This place for God in my life is much more solid than anything else. It wasn't as if God wasn't there for me if I didn't see.
I was more like me forgetting that there is a place for him right next to me and I will share it happily.
He never ignores me, blows me off, leaves me alone in my darkest hours.
Now that I finally figured this out, I can sit alone in a group of people and feel surrounded or next to my husband as he sleeps an feel interesting and appreciated.
I feel like I can carry a load that I never knew I was able to carry.
As these days carry on and my feeling of being overwhelmed and invisible, i wish anyone I love to never be as lonely as I have been.
You should never have to feel without God while he is sitting right by your side.
It simply was a moment in time that I forgot that God was mine.