Running the Cornapolloza on Saturday

Mendota has a corn festival every year and this year I decided to run the race on Saturday morning. Since the drive is 3 1/2 hours long, the boys and I will most likely leave on Friday. Ted has to work again. He is going to meet us on Sunday by taking the train up north. Can't say I'm hyped about having the kids all by myself again. Why must I never get a break? I need a break to function. Being a stay-at-home Mom has its wonderful rewards, yet, I feel as if they are at times overshadowed by monotony. I wish I could leave the boys with their father and go shopping or travel or go see a movie. Ted is an amazing father, but his work requires more than I can handle at times. Being a police officer leaves him emotionally drained. He is always there when he can be, but I feel guilty asking for his days off.
It seems crazy to me that only four months ago I had a radical hysterectomy and faced the realness of cancer's hold on our species. My body recovered so quickly, yet emotionally it seems to be a long journey. I feel blessed, but I'm feeling something that I have no words for. I guess "empty" begins the description. It seemed as if I was going one hundred miles a minute after the surgery until the end of June and then I feel like I hit a brick wall. I was hopeful of the new me and now I need to rediscover who I am and what I want to be after the realization of my immortality. I go through waves of depression, sleeplessness, and anger and then I'll be faced with extreme contentment and motivation. It simply may be the hormonal avalanche due to surgical menopause, but I refuse to let it claim my life.
That's all for today, I need to do laundry before the boys wake up from their dual nap. By the way they never fall asleep at the same time. This is a real blessing today. I needed this.